It's too late to be awake but at the same time its too early to sleep; and I'm still at my computer sitting uneasy. Ancy. I don't know, maybe its the heat, maybe its just me, but the world seems to be sleeping and I'm wide awake contemplating the meaning of life. I wish I could turn my brain off. I wish I could tell my passion to subside for a moment, just enough time so I could sit in peace.

I meet people all the time who seem to be so peaceful and calm, like they know what it all means and are o.k. with it. I wonder if I'll ever be that person, sitting in the circle stoic, soothing, wrapped in an aura of bliss and white.

White. White lillies, white doves, white dresses, white wind, white tears - they paint my face sometimes.

I feel so disconnected from my family right now. While its a normal thing for me to feel, it always comes and goes, this time it seems to hurt a bit more. Perhaps because there are things that I'm missing out on; memories being made that I will have no part in reminiscing.

I sat in a diner today, much like the one that my dad used to take me to when I was young. Once a month, he'd take me on a 'dad and daughter' date. Red's Diner, that's what it was called and it had big red leather booths and the best french fries in town. He used to take me there at lunch hour and I remember feeling so special when he'd come to pick me up to take me 'out for lunch'. Very cool....

I was reminded of that today and it made me miss my dad. I miss my family. I wish I was home sometimes. Interesting how its not until you have the choice that you realize how truly important and incredible family is.

H'ychia Siem

Autumn