Change is inevitable, but growth is a choice. This may just help me make up my mind.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

It's too late to be awake but at the same time its too early to sleep; and I'm still at my computer sitting uneasy. Ancy. I don't know, maybe its the heat, maybe its just me, but the world seems to be sleeping and I'm wide awake contemplating the meaning of life. I wish I could turn my brain off. I wish I could tell my passion to subside for a moment, just enough time so I could sit in peace.

I meet people all the time who seem to be so peaceful and calm, like they know what it all means and are o.k. with it. I wonder if I'll ever be that person, sitting in the circle stoic, soothing, wrapped in an aura of bliss and white.

White. White lillies, white doves, white dresses, white wind, white tears - they paint my face sometimes.

I feel so disconnected from my family right now. While its a normal thing for me to feel, it always comes and goes, this time it seems to hurt a bit more. Perhaps because there are things that I'm missing out on; memories being made that I will have no part in reminiscing.

I sat in a diner today, much like the one that my dad used to take me to when I was young. Once a month, he'd take me on a 'dad and daughter' date. Red's Diner, that's what it was called and it had big red leather booths and the best french fries in town. He used to take me there at lunch hour and I remember feeling so special when he'd come to pick me up to take me 'out for lunch'. Very cool....

I was reminded of that today and it made me miss my dad. I miss my family. I wish I was home sometimes. Interesting how its not until you have the choice that you realize how truly important and incredible family is.

H'ychia Siem

Autumn

Love...





I've read lots of blogs written by women sharing with the world about how amazing their men are and I was thinking that I've never really done that. But then I was thinking, I don't really want to either. Dustin is amazing, we are amazing together and I love him for everything that he was, is and will become in his life. That's enough, there really are no more words that my language allows to share what LOVE really is...

But there are some pics to prove it!!!

Autumn

Thursday, June 22, 2006

New Beginnings

Wow, its been awhile. I've had this constant gnawing in my head telling me there is something I need to do and it wasn't until today that I realized how long its been since I've written anything...I really long time and LOTS has happened (for those of you who are interested).

While I could go on and on about the last few months I'm going to keep this short and let you all know that this blog is going to change a bit and I'll you how and why, but first a little update.

By the time I realized I wasn't going to finish my thesis, I also realized that I needed a change of scenery. Funny how things work out for not more than a few days after making this realization I received an email regarding a job position in Victoria as an 'adventure therapist' with high risk youth. The Island has always been a solace for me and with Dustin out of jail and this amazing opportunity before me it was too hard to resist. I went for the interview and was hired, which was awesome; however, breaking the news to my, at that time, current employers was difficult. But I was smothered with compassion and joy for new beginnings and within a month I moved to Victoria.

Change of scenery is certainly what I got. Within two days of being in Victoria I started, what would turn out to be 20 straight days of training for my new job. And not just your regular 9-5, learn about the organization type of training, I was not that lucky. It was boot camp for midget redheads with bad tempers and grumpy morning syndrome. In 20 days I had to become a professional kayaker and wilderness first aid expert. My first day of this training was truly memorable.....

Imagine walking into a room full of people who know what they're doing and why they're there and you are as green as grass looking around the room like a deer caught in headlights. Question after question I wasn't getting anywhere except some bad looks and a water logged stomach from swallowing the sobs. After four hours of theory on weather systems, pressure systems, tides, currents and whatever else I didn't know anything about..... it was time to "get our gear and boats and get into the water to practice rolls, wet exits and rescues". I must have looked like the dumb kid in math class (once again) putting my hand up and saying "what gear"? Lucky enough my boss got some gear together for me and on I went to begin my paddling adventure. A couple days later we left Victoria for a five day kick-you-in-the-ass training on the West Coast with lots of wind, big waves and cold cold cold water.

Once again imagine waking up at 6:00 every morning and putting on a cold wetsuit soaked in sand, that doesn't fit you, then jumping into a kayak, which you don't know how to paddle, and while trying to keep up to all the other 'cool kids' in the group doing their rolls and surf with poise and grace, you look like a handicapped whale who lost its flippers and has a bad case of chronic seizures. Good times! I laugh about it now, but man was I balling behind big boulders every day pretending I was 'peeing', just so I wouldn't look like even more of a dork than originally thought.

But, as God would have it, I passed my practical and theory exams, which is pretty amazing considering my theory was ALL math.... yes, math, you need math to kayak... go figure Oh and weather, yes I am now a meterologist (almost). Anyways, I learned some amazing things and I made some pretty awesome friends along the way. I haven't been challenged like that in a long time and it forced me to confront some demons which is always good; however, the environment could have been a tad bit more supportive, you know? Water under the bridge, I finished and I'm proud of myself. But it wasn't over. The day after my kayak course ended I started my wilderness firstaid course....

Boy, am I the chick you want around when shit goes sideways in the bush let me tell ya'. Everything from a broken pelvis to flailing chests, trailing intestines and blisters I'm on it! 40 hours of torture that I won't get back, but the information could be useful when hell freezes over, or when the line-up to get into a B.C. emergency room becomes longer than the line-up to see the Pope (which is not that impossible).

Anyways, its all over and I passed all my courses and I am now a Kayak Guide/Program Facilitator/Youth Counsellor/Cook/Wilderness Medic/STELLAR DISH CLEANER!!!!

Last week I went on my first trip in the Gulf Islands and it made all the pain and doubt and beaten self-esteem worth it when I realized how truly blessed I am to have such an amazing opportunity this summer. I love the outdoors, I love water, I love camping, and I love kids. I love seeing them overcome challenge, build relationships with eachother and themselves, and push themselves to grow. This job does that. Last week we took 10 First Nations adults and we followed a traditional route through the Islands. We stayed on traditional land and had elders come to meet us each day to show us how to live as they're ancestors did. We learned how to smoke clams and salmon, we danced, sang and drummed everynight, we learned about traditional uses of plants and animals. My brain is so full of knowledge it blows me away.

There's so much I could say about the trip, but this is already long enough. But my goal is to write a blog for each trip I go on this summer and pass on knowledge that I learn to others. I don't do that enough and I believe its the only way that we can preserve what is powerful, true and sacred.

I added some pictures from the trip; hope you enjoy.

Autumn